It came on slowly, when we stepped out of the great rocky cave on the top of the hill,
smelling the bark and dry soil and gumtrees around us. the heat came on gently, not in frustrated waves of sweat, but like a gradual incline welcoming us.
each step down the hill became larger and more filled with laughter.
have we turned gold? my partner looks gold but then he looks at his veins and becomes green, iron oxidized limestone.
you turn the colour you’re feeling and i turned everything earthy that was around me gold and brown and green and ochre.
smell and see everything, every detail, every stick and ant and footprint, that was unnoticed on the ascent. this is the feeling i like, right now, has it even worked?
i thought it wouldn’t, haha has it? of course! no i didn’t think so i feel normal, woah stop. Yes.
look at those mountains around, dark faraway hills, filling the gaps in even levels between the trees. circling us in a dome.
this small forest area feels like a set, a small scene that i am determined to plunge out of and passing every tree the set gets a little larger but you can’t turn around because when you do it’s different world behind.
laugh, and fall, and leap, that tree just turned purple. reminds me of that last one i saw, where it’s entire life, 100’s 1000’s of years flashed by in an instant, like i saw it’s future.
every leaf is dancing, they all have their own rhythms. i think, you’re not going to be able to write this down later, the language you’re thinking in now won’t translate, but tell your former self you can try anyway.
we look up in a tree and see a giant goanna watching us.
Old Man Goanna.
he seems ancient and wise and looks down on us with understanding, keep moving.
there’s a dirt path winding us down the hill to the farm and our home, it felt like hours coming up and now we’re down in minutes. but then again, time is a transitory thing.
the sun shines ecstatically. the grass is explosively green.
we’ve just left the hard brown Australian bush and have walked into a world that makes me think Switzerland… cows wander birds laugh and the mountains say come on, we’ve given you this land, go explore it.
we make our way back to the room, we’re really in another world now, let’s experiment with this environment – play the Beatles, Jimi, try showering and seeing every drop like bobsleds speeding and crashing onto you. Make love and know the feeling of your partner’s body merging.
it’s all strange and spectacular and frightening and a good feeling.
remember to put clothes on when you leave, that distant alien self says.
we laugh at our other selves, so simple minded, concerned, naive, don’t you know this is what happiness is? don’t you know it doesn’t matter. none of it. who told you to do all the things you do and why do you let yourself be pulled into a false existence.
right now remember this is not a fleeting feel good moment, this is YOU. Hidden and aching to come out and you try to let it out in little bits. don’t try to control it and measure fun.
You already know you can’t do that, and whenever you try to control it, you become scared, torn and spliced between two existences you aren’t sure which is real or are they the same? don’t be afraid to share. find your openness.
there is that body you present to strangers and yourself you think, or that one which chases the earth and becomes the earth, not noticing if you’re clothed or hungry or fulfilling any wants. don’t judge. just be. after all, what else is there but you. this entire universe is yours and in your mind. everyone else is an organic moving part of it but all of this is your thinking. your doing. you choose.
and now here you are in a world created and lived by you. turn off your mind and float. run with your love and breathe the air and let your mind wander with these thoughts.
we race to the cows. some waddle away. one old gal stays and lets us pat her. She looks at us, deep black holes, wary, but lets us in. these creatures are gods.
my partner sits on her back. pure happiness. i feed her. she’s tired of us now and moves back to her company. we crawl under a wire fence and go swimming in the creek. the water is low but it’s icy. feel each nerve squealing with delight, waking up. rebirth. everything is constant rebirth.
and you realise you’ve become the rocks that wash with water, the clouds above, that pure blue sky and the trees hanging over.
don’t be afraid. turn off your mind.
pretend you’re a fairy. be it. climb the fence and we run together up a hill, climbing logs, hanging upside down, in the company of cows, birds, frightened curious wallabies and bugs.
the mountains upside down is something incredible. i know i won’t be able to explain this later. just smile and giggle and understand.
It’s hours that we play and then the sun begins to set. It feels like our world is going to sleep and it is. the sun is talking to me as it gravitates slowly down behind the mountains.
it’s saying thanks and i thank it back. it’s given us a day to see the earth and ourselves and now it’s going to give someone else a turn. we play hallelujah and think the lsd is wearing off but i still feel it only more softly. until a strong emotion or stimulus flies into view. and there it comes again.
the song ends the moment the sun gives it’s last light and now the land feels quiet. a great cool shadow brings a new world and the stars are now alive and exploding around. it’s natural to cry.
we light a giant bonfire and dance together. specks of fire and ash ride up to join the stars and in the fire i see everything. everything is. smile. this is the end. and after it all i feel love, for the earth, my partner, myself, life. remember this. don’t be afraid for the future. only now.
(Working on it. And all my past psychedelic experiences. The more I write about it I hope to rediscover my voice during these experiences. Which feels so isolated and hidden. I am constantly working to open myself to what is within and I find psychedelics always help. Soon I hope mother ayahuasca and san pedrito will be the wide and clear passage to within)